Shamateurism
Here’s an excerpt from a Fast Company essay of 2007, where sociologist Charles Leadbeater predicts the Rise of the Professional Amateur:
From astronomy to computing, networks of amateurs are displacing the pros and spawning some of the greatest innovations. Rap infects global popular culture from music to fashion. Linux poses a real threat to Microsoft. The Sims is among the most popular computer games ever.
These farflung developments have all been driven by Pro-Ams – committed, networked amateurs working to professional standards. Pro-Am works, their networks and movements, will help reshape society in the next two decades.
This week’s Brainstorm celebrates the amateur in all of us, asking you to choose any word in the Leadbeater excerpt and contrive the poorest cryptic clue you can. Here’s a few hamfisted examples:
SPAWNING: Vocalise about minor chesspiece having children
THE SIMS: Virtual life software packages miss the Reformation
ASTRONOMY: Space of study, or vice versa!
Anagram or pun. Homophone or however. Fudge a shocker, with the chance to win two prizes:
The Pro-Am Plate – so try-hard it could almost pass in a published travesty of a puzzle.
The Am Award - so bad, it’s a disgrace of honour.
We might need a length rule – coz I know the temptation is to go long & sloppy on these guys – so how about we cap our crap to 25 words or less? Look forward to seeing Leadbeater’s prophecy ill-fulfilled.
November 17th, 2009 at 8:45 am
It’s not strictly speaking an exerpt but it’s a groaner:
Sociologist or metalsmith ? (10)
November 17th, 2009 at 9:07 am
And one for the over-blown category:
Player starts to stray at a golf tournament where celebrities play with professionals. (3-2)
November 17th, 2009 at 9:53 am
A bit judgemental I know, but:
This music sounds terrible backwards, even. (3)
November 17th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Judge away, Simon. That’s the essence of this Brainstorm, to crank out both crankiness AND crankery. Your RAP is righteous.
November 17th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Here’s one for the “oops, gave it away” category of bad clue making:
Reshape phaser electronically for a word in this clue (7)
November 17th, 2009 at 10:26 am
This one incorporates a made up word to satisfy an awkward anagram idea…
Arf at a great distance? (8)
November 17th, 2009 at 10:31 am
May seem gauche, but how about we precede each egregious offering with the TARGET WORD attached?
That way, instead of slipping in your wondrous mire, we can see the travesty at a glance, and savour it. Ferinstance:
MICROSOFT: Computer giant big and hard? Au contraire!
Open to suggestions, but reckon this quickens the payoff, and heightens the teehee factor.
By the way, tackle a word as often as you like. If you can under-trump my MICROSOFT, or under-trump your own prior attempt, then go for it. That’s the Pro-Am spirit.
November 17th, 2009 at 10:36 am
In honour of Rube Goldberg:
Useless car reverses direction indicator (2)
November 17th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Sorry, just saw the instruction to provide the answer alongside
mine is TO
(useless = good-for-nothing, car = gran torino)
November 17th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Simon, a made up word?
FARFLUNG: Loud bark? Take a breather. For a long distance a dash isn’t needed
(Just to point out that Leadbeater may be an amateur writer, as it seems that farflung should be hyphenated)
November 17th, 2009 at 11:00 am
THESE: Not those writhes – erotic clench
NETWORK: Work the room for Spooner’s wet nerk
PROS: Members of the Sex Workers Union writing in your ear
November 17th, 2009 at 11:07 am
My go at using a neologism in the worst possible way:
FARFLUNG – Alien Flangurf goes a long way
November 17th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Now for the sin of concealing crucial info:
LINUX: Nothing goes back with two other random letters for open source
November 17th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Then there’s the taste issue:
LINUX: Free software shows kiss smothering bottom of Lucy van Pelt’s nervous brother
November 17th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
The bleeding obvious approach:
NETWORKS: Webs in a net works OK
November 17th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
And to combine Simon’s musical finger-pointing with adult language we get:
RAP – Hip hop always winds up being crap
November 17th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Also being redundantly salacious:
DEVELOPMENTS: Search around for workmen in backstreet to get advances
November 18th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Grammar ? We don’t need no stinking grammar !:
TWO DECADES: Twenty years sound like they’re overly rottens
November 18th, 2009 at 11:44 am
MOVEMENTS: Twitches on stools?
FARFLUNG: Remote leaders of France and Russia find Luxembourg usurping Norwegian government
AND: Deoxyribonucleic acid reflected in conjunction
November 18th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Here’s a clue that wouldn’t get past the censors due to its politically incorrect attitude to mental health issues:
COMMITTED: Dedicated or a raving loony ?
November 19th, 2009 at 8:32 am
The clue marred by overly obscure references:
STANDARDS: Flags “Polka Dots and Moonbeams”, “Salt Peanuts” and “Haunted Heart”, for example
November 19th, 2009 at 8:44 am
The ludicrous hidden.
PROFESSIONAL – Sector of PR – of ‘ess’ – I, on alert, accomplished
Or its reverse.
COMPUTING – IT turned back in picking nit up, mockingly
November 19th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Too obvious homophone indicator combined with not really precise enough primary clue…
DECADES: Sounds like home construction helpers can take many years.